Why, you might ask, am I in Arizona on this sultry Friday night?
Dear Reader, let me explain.
I am a freelance video editor and I am currently employed by ESPN to edit videos for their coverage of NASCAR.
That's right, NASCAR.
And this week the schedule dictates that we will be in
Phoenix, Arizona to bring you the Basha's Supermarkets 200.
If you have any idea what that means, good for you.
If you stick around this weekend you might also enjoy the
Subway Fresh Fit 600.
Joy.
But I did not create this blog to discuss my
(or anyone else's for that matter) need for speed.
This blog is here to explore a deeper, more primitive need.
A need for paper towels.
For running water.
For concrete floors and ventilation.
The need, simply, for porcelain.
You see, the way TV coverage works for live sporting events is that all the necessary equipment is driven around in gigantic trucks from city to city where it is rapidly and carefully set up, well used, and then packed away and carted off to it's next location. It is an efficient and amazing endeavor. Honestly, it's a miracle that it happens every week and with surprisingly few technical problems.
If you are unfamiliar with the world of NASCAR, it may not occur to you that racetracks are generally constructed in the middle of, and I'm using the technical designation here, BFE (go to urbandictionary.com if you're not sure what that means).
Phoenix International Raceway, for example, is in Avondale, Arizona, presumably chosen because of its proximity to the dead center of nowhere.
If you were planning a trip to the middle of nowhere, and you took a moment to think about it, you might determine several things you would have to bring with you. You know, things that might not be readily available in the void. What might you bring on your journey?
Go ahead - think about it, I'll wait.
One thing that may not jump directly to your mind is a toilet. Oh sure, you campers out there thought to bring some t.p. and maybe a shovel, or perhaps you know what plant has the kind of leaves you could use in place of t.p. without also causing a debilitating rash, whatever floats your boat, Hippie.
That type of granola-crunchiness is all well and good, however it doesn't cut any mustard when you have a crew of approximately 250 people every weekend vying for real estate in a porta-potty.
One thing I've noticed in this male-dominated car racing environment is that a lot of women seem to be under the impression that men are gross pigs, who will piss anywhere.
This, however, is not true of all men, and is mostly sour grapes on the part of women who have to use porta-potties at their jobs (e.g. women who work on NASCAR). This is also the true interpretation of Freud's theory of "penis-envy".
Now, everyone knows that Sigmund Freud was an enormous pervert, but in this case he was definitely on to something. Unfortunately the theory is often misinterpreted. What it really refers to is man's ability to take a wee anywhere while standing up and woman's desire to be able to do the same thing.
And so back to the true purpose of this blog: to support the women of NASCAR in their quest for clean, dry facilities. If I can help just one person find the slightest comfort in their long workday, my work is done.
"But Mary Woo", you may be saying to yourself, "are we really so spoiled in this country that we're spending valuable time and energy on the rating and review of bathrooms at one of the most expensive and resource-depleting sports in the world?"
Answer: Yes.
Be grateful for us TV travelers - the people who make it possible for you to be entertained. We're the conduit between the "Want-to-be-Seens" and the "Want-to-Sees". Think about that when you start to question my obsession with clean, real bathrooms. We are the people who sacrifice our weekends for you and your entertainment.
Why? Why do we do it?
Because we get paid to do it, that's why.
